Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
