I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
FUCK WHALES
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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