why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
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I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
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We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
