Cold hands, warm shart.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Everyone says I win the strip club
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
