now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Randomize
