I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
