so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
last night I used snow as a chaser
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
