but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
