plz talk dirty to me
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
