I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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