I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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