miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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