I should be sponsored by Trojan
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
