I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I deserve this hangover.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
