i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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