I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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