I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Randomize
