Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
