At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
