Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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