I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
