I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
