the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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