you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
