why didn't you poke me back
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Randomize
