That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Why is your signature on my underwear?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
