he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
