I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
