You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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