That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
