bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
