Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
