I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
send nudes
from the living room?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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