I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
