I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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