So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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