They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
