She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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