Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
