So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
