apparently the secret to your success is patron
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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