i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
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