I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
