ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Define "chronic" masturbator.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
