dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
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