Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
