she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
