my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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