toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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