I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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