he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
