only you would photoshop your dick
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
