You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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