Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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