if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
