she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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