i would punch a child for taco bell
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
