In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
