Betty ford says i'm here all night
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
