Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
