it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
