I haven't been this sober since birth.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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