do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I can't put those talents on a resume
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
